I may have mentioned it before, that I’m amazing with cutting toxic people out of my life. Perhaps too good at it. It comes at the expense of having a lot of crappy people in my life. And when I say crappy people, I don’t mean they were necessarily horrible people. In fact from the point of view of others, they were amazing individuals. However, in the end, they were the wrong people for me.
The old me would wonder how is it possible for everyone to be the same? I was confused as to the fact that there weren’t just a few bad ones among the batch but it would be the whole batch. Eventually, I began thinking it was my fault. I was the problem. I would think perhaps I made people want to take advantage of me. My sister and I both spoke of how we somehow brought out the insecurities of people by just being ourselves. However, we realized that we were just in a different place emotionally, physically, and mentally from the people who at first seemed great but turned to become the monsters I would take years to recover from.
I stopped bullshitting myself basically. I never thought I was better but I had realized that I had already fought my own insecurities and demons. In reality, the truth was I had come out with an extremely high self-esteem, confidence, and knowledge of my worth/self-value. But these toxic people or “wrong” people weren’t in that same position. And they usually lashed out at the ones who had achieved what they hadn’t yet.
There is usually always a gray area, but there really is no gray area for when someone is “wrong” for you. It is purely black and white. And when I mean “wrong” I mean individuals who are affecting your energy, slowly draining you. Not like, oh he’s wrong for you because he doesn’t have a great job (which is honestly a horrible reason).
A friend of mine, also a colleague, asked me, “how do you do it?” At the time, all our friends were huddled around her comforting her as she cried about her mentally abusive boyfriend. It had been months since I met her and I began to notice the pattern. She would always say she would break up with him but would end up not doing it. So despite caring for her, I would get irritated.
My friend was not blinded by love but blinded by herself.
But instead, I told her the truth of how I cut people off. If I mentally just say I’m kicking this person out of my life, even I don’t take myself seriously. Promises that only I know about are just that much more expendable. Instead, after I decide to kick someone out, I physically cut them off. I don’t just delete them from social media. If possible without them knowing, I block them. Some may say it’s drastic but this is about making yourself the priority. The reason why I say block them if you can do it without them being notified is that it truly becomes just about you. It’s something you’re doing for your peace of mind. However, if they get notified, don’t block them because it involves them and then it becomes about doing it so they know you’re doing it. The people I’ve cut out of my life most likely don’t even know I actively cut them off. They most likely think over time we gradually lost contact. However, personally, I know that’s not true.
After I unfollow them on all social media platforms, delete their contacts, and wherever else you guys are connected in cyber space, then I throw out any things I have that was either gifted to them or more. I completely isolate them away from my life. Performing such actions is a period of healing for you. Not a warfare of returning materials to your exes or friends. Once you take their existence out of everything you come in contact with in your life, soon emotionally you forget too.
Out of sight, out of mind truly works.
If you decided that all of that is not necessary, it’s also because you’re not actively planning on cutting that person off in the first place. In other words, you create leeway.
There is nothing wrong with putting yourself as the priority. Even if it means making someone less than nothing in your life. It’s not devaluing someone else but rather valuing yourself enough to know, this person is “wrong” for you.