Slow Burn

“All that die in fire, go to heaven.” “Why,” I asked her. “Because it’s so painful. Both that burn and those that drown.” “What about those that kill themselves through fire or water then?” I asked. “No, they all go to hell.” I looked at her with a sense of unease. It was as if she wasn’t just replying, she was specifically telling me.   Photo by Aziz Acharki on Unsplash    

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Neglect

Her vision became sharper, almost hawk-like to observe moments others would find no significance in reacting to. Perhaps it was because of her sudden annoyance at the world or maybe there was no reason at all. Maybe she just had nothing else to do as she would mentally point out petty mistakes of others. Mistakes to her were fine. It was people’s ignorance to them that bothered her. She saw their lack of awareness as they walked noticeably slower with their eyes fixed on their phone despite the dozen individuals behind them patiently waiting to get home faster. She felt […]

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Succumbing to Temptation

The redness was bleeding into the white edges of his eyes. Is this what it was like to witness the transformation of a devil. His pupil turning darker and larger by the second, where now there was almost a unity between black, white, and red. They had just become pure colors and no clear shape as I looked into his eyes, an abyss. Could he even see me anymore? Where are his eyes? Transformation is so relevant. It is a fact every day. Every second has the possibility of change, a work in progress that leads to transformation. However, he […]

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Blind

It hurts to see – but the alternative is scarier. I wish I could stop this irrational fear, however it has become an almost innate part of me. Out of habit I repeat the motion and words my mother taught me when something horrid comes to mind, an almost magical spell to get rid of the cursed thought. But still it comes back almost instinctively. And again superstitiously, in fear it may actually happen, I repeat the foreign words from the spell my mother taught me. I am not very religious or superstitious but I still repeat the words habitually […]

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Becoming Unselfish

The worst part of being too aware… is knowing that you’re not only wrong but being fully conscious that in that moment you were evil. It was ironic. (I say that a lot) I had gone from one extreme to the next. Before, I never understood the concept of “me first.” I did everything but that. I was a people’s pleaser, obsessed with responsibility, and worst of all – a complete pessimist. It was around 2014 or was it 2013 when I understood the meaning of self-destructing. Or rather the next step of my unselfishness…sacrifice. I felt like crap, but even […]

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Living in the State of Fear

Living in the state of fear – is paralyzing. Yet, fear motivates me to do far more than happiness ever could. Does it not force everyones hands…eventually? The fear of not being happy, the fear of not being successful (when people forget success is relative when being defined), the fear of their own mortality, the fear of time catching up, and the fear of fucking up (again relative…who even knows how one can…although I can think of quite a few societal standards). There was a time when I had the naive thought that my goal is to be happy in the future. […]

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Currenty Cliche: A Work in Progress

For the past ten minutes I have been doing exactly what I’ve been told not to do. Overthink. Overthink every word, comma, and meaning behind my words. Even more so, overthink the eyes that may be looking over my shoulder. Writing was so easy. Yet a year later, it has become single handedly the hardest thing for me to do today. Last year waking up was hardest thing ever. However, today, it was easily the easiest moment after a long time. A year. And me. The world has witnessed people go from nothing to everything within this year. But when […]

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Not Functional

I had never though that it would be so difficult or require such effort to even sit here and write these words. What began as a sole escape, has also become another thing for me to avoid. These past few months I would often write about my lack of presence on my blog. I would go on to say that I would once again commit myself to writing. To coping with my life. Yet, I am already itching to shut my laptop and to just return to my zombie like existence. I have begun to hate writing here. It has […]

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The Point of Existence

Tonight, the color was purple. The mix of purple and blue from the Empire State Building shimmered upon the East River water creating an incandescent shade. Every part of this moment should make me feel at peace – the lovey-dovey couple snuggling several feet away on my right, the Manhattan view, and of course my writing. And in a sense, I am at a peace. No, I take that back, I am definitely at peace. Yet, one thing I’ve learned is that a peaceful existence does not spark amazing writing. Instead, it’s quite bland. Tasteless as that individual’s life. However, […]

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My Ungrateful, Greedy Beloved

She could almost feel it, his flesh tightly gripped in her hands as she shoved his head under water again. His head vigorously shaking under the surface, fighting against her strength to gasp for air. But she was too strong, his extra skin around his neck became his fatal flaw as it provided a better grip for her to hold on. Yes, she could almost feel it – what it would be like to suck the life out of him. To be stronger than him. Yet, all she could do was nod as he once again asked “Did you hear […]

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