Perfect Snapshots

I’m not here to talk about how I’ve captured the perfect picture but rather my lack of perfects snapshots. In an era where each millennials life is recorded over social media, I simply hate it. Thousands of individuals only seem to get a sneak peek of a persons desirable moments, when their life seems as if they have it all and I’ve constantly felt out of place for my lack of want or need for that. I would be reminded that I don’t feel as if I’m living a 20 years old life. I feel as if I’m a decade […]

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On My Accord

As I look back at my older writing and the emotions I felt, so easily triggered by small events, I can’t help but feel pathetic. Did I really feel such drastic pain, anger, sadness, and disappointment for something unnecessary? Even more did I make the wrong judgement? A lot of the emotions I feel may be a response to an outside source but the insecurities I feel are my fault in a way. They are the product of my own issues. Even two days ago, I was swallowed by the same ridiculous judgement that had me breaking apart. How long […]

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It’s Love

Reassessing my thoughts from my last post, I found myself looking back on this weekend. Many thought I was speaking about a lover last time when in fact I was talking about a family member. As we spent the last few days together I couldn’t help but realize we had both changed so much these last few years. She no longer was that person that gave me anxiety when she entered the room and I no longer was that person that embraced it silently. These past two days made me just love her more. It made me question why was […]

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The Source: Is it Love or Is it Toxic?

It becomes complicated when your loved one becomes the source of your anxiety. The one who you crave for and miss day by day. At the mention of their name your chest expands with an indescribable emotion. Yet, the minute they pass through the doorway to your safe-haven they become the reason why your heart starts pounding…in an unpleasant way that makes you sick to the stomach. The feeling only medication can take away. Their presence, close proximity makes you question yourself. Stop this feeling. A self repeated mantra that you love them does little to stop the thudding of […]

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Spring Isn’t Here

Just at the thought of posting through my phone makes me cringe since typing on my phone is always a nightmare. My hands just can’t seem to move fast enough to keep up with my thoughts as it does when I’m typing on my laptop. Yet hear I am attempting to write my first post using my phone. So far, it’s just as I thought… it’s a nightmare… I’m currently sitting at Starbucks, near my old home, that used to be my safe-haven after I moved. It’s not surprising that I didn’t appreciate it when it was a consistent presence […]

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20 (Revealing My Face)

Several days ago, I turned 20. Yet, it seemed nothing had changed as I was still stuck in the same vicious cycle that had begun several years. I kept asking myself what was it that I lacked. What was it that made me shut down one day but able to get up the next? It was unfortunate really. I was so close to taking that one step forward, success at reaching my first goal. Yet I began to spiral backward, my descent so quick making it impossible for me to gain a foothold. Despite the fact, I relished the anonymity […]

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Consumed By The Need to Sleep

The past week or so, my life has revolved around the concept of sleep. It was either through physically sleeping for far too long or forcing myself to resist the temptation of sleep so I could fall asleep easier at night. Either way, I have been consumed by the thoughts on whether or not I should just give in and just close my eyes as I try to stay awake even now after already sleeping countless of hours. I am just so inexplicably tired. Of what, who knows. I have already learned my lesson of not valuing when I needed rest. But when […]

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Rejection

My hands are ice cold. You would think that they would put the heater on with the 20 degree weather outside. Or perhaps they did and like always it’s never enough for me. I am always just so unbearably cold. That it would be easy to bring tears to my eyes by exposing me to the harsh biting wind. I never thought I would be tired from just writing. Majority of the work I have right now is based on writing intensive classes, so I’m constantly writing and writing and writing. I do appreciate it but by the time I […]

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Countdown

My year began barely functioning… For days I thought of beginning with those words. At the same time, right after, I would think how dramatic it was to say that. To an extent it was true. But those words could also be interpreted as highly uneventful, which is also an accurate description of the start of 2018 for me. In fact every year for me. I have never done or made resolutions. I find them pointless. Or should I say, I wish to find them pointless? Just like I found the whole excitement or planning behind the celebration of New Year’s […]

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Catch Yourself Before You Fall

I wish I could write this peacefully. But there are quite more people than I would like that do not know the meaning of personal space. However, I’m not sure if it’s because I’m tinier than most. Then again, I do live in New York, where personal space does not seem to exist especially in subways and large crowded areas like Times Square. Okay, moving on from my rant, I’m still going to try and write this. I have begun to feel embarrassed. The past few years I felt the need to defend myself. I felt as if I needed […]

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