For 3 weeks, once again I was sucked in the vicious cycle I had tried so hard to get myself out of. One may call it a relapse. Another may call it being lazy.
All I can think of at this moment is how utterly disappointed I am with myself. I have become self-conscious, rethinking ten times before writing anything. Before writing was my escape but now it became work. I had lost what I used to cope. I no longer had a way to stop the constant nagging and worrying once again eating away my mind.
Thus, I had wanted to abandon my thoughts. I decided to neglect life for a few days. Few days became a week, a week became two and then three. I no longer want to stay awake at night. I just want to sleep. And finally, face my responsibilities. There is work to be done. And it can not be done by being nocturnal. But no matter how hard I try I can’t. It is easy to fall back into the cycle but coming out… is a whole new matter.