Neglecting How Things Truly Are

I’ve lost my old luxury of being able to just write without thinking. Perhaps I shouldn’t have deleted my old blog. I was able to survive for the anonymity, even though I was never more naked then I was there. Yet here, I feel like an infinite number of mismatched jigsaw puzzles that will never seem to fit. What am I even trying to say every time? These words don’t come easily to me. I seem to be racking my brain to think of what else to write here. My mind is not chaotic. In fact, it’s too quiet. So […]

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Just Kill Me Already

Not knowing why you’re doing what you’re doing, or in my case not knowing why I’m not doing anything kills me. Especially for someone like me who is too aware of everything. People have been disappearing from my life…figuratively. They’re there but not really. There is really no one to blame. It’s a proof of life just moving ahead. Yet, despite the years I fought to start walking forward again, I’ve been set on staying in place these days. Time is moving but I’m not. It’s almost as if I’m afraid. From what, who knows. The worst is knowing with […]

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3 Weeks

For 3 weeks, once again I was sucked in the vicious cycle I had tried so hard to get myself out of. One may call it a relapse. Another may call it being lazy. All I can think of at this moment is how utterly disappointed I am with myself. I have become self-conscious, rethinking ten times before writing anything. Before writing was my escape but now it became work. I had lost what I used to cope. I no longer had a way to stop the constant nagging and worrying once again eating away my mind. Thus, I had […]

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The Wrong People

I may have mentioned it before, that I’m amazing with cutting toxic people out of my life. Perhaps too good at it. It comes at the expense of having a lot of crappy people in my life. And when I say crappy people, I don’t mean they were necessarily horrible people. In fact from the point of view of others, they were amazing individuals. However, in the end, they were the wrong people for me. The old me would wonder how is it possible for everyone to be the same? I was confused as to the fact that there weren’t […]

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To Not Care

Flakers. There exist a few individuals in one’s life where their words value to nothing. However, I truly believed that someone made the time for you if they believed you’re already worth it or worth the investment thinking you would become someone to them. It could be with the expectation of becoming a person they met once in a while but gave you a good time or a best friend you would spend a lifetime knowing. But my belief shattered after meeting several frustratingly new people in my life that told me I was growing in a generation where the […]

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When the Past is No Longer Relevant

I was going through my old blog, thinking what piece of writing I could reuse. It was the attempt to keep up with my present blog despite my lack of inspiration. However, as I read on and on, I couldn’t think of reposting any of it without cutting some parts out from here or there. But it still wouldn’t work. The entirety of my words was completely in the moment back then. It was to the point that I could no longer relate those very words to my present. My past self, who had written them, were no longer relevant. […]

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