Countdown

My year began barely functioning…

For days I thought of beginning with those words. At the same time, right after, I would think how dramatic it was to say that. To an extent it was true. But those words could also be interpreted as highly uneventful, which is also an accurate description of the start of 2018 for me. In fact every year for me.

I have never done or made resolutions. I find them pointless. Or should I say, I wish to find them pointless? Just like I found the whole excitement or planning behind the celebration of New Year’s Eve. (Perhaps that’s resentment) Despite living in NYC my whole life, I have spent New Year’s Eve at home. And as years have passed, I have been less willing to keep up the facade of interest as my family wished to spend some “quality time” while watching the concerts on television till countdown. Instead, I found myself doing what I had recently begun to love for the past few years. Being in bed, under my warm blanket, watching something I was actually interested in, instead of watching how other people celebrated their New Years Eve.

The grating sound of my family members calling me to join them every few minutes only succeeded in making me more interested. I had felt horrible that I truly just did not want to join them. I loved spending time with them, but there were moments like these I could just no longer force myself to be something I was not…happy while counting down for another year of who knows what.

As I reread this, I realized how pessimistic I sound. That was definitely not what I was going for.

 

Picture Credit: Ian_Schneider

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14 Comments

  1. “The grating sound of my family members calling me to join them every few minutes only succeeded in making me more interested.” that’s something I know too well. However irritating in the moment, you will miss it in the future…

    1. Of course, I understand. Thankfully I spend a great deal
      of time with my family already but yes, I’m pretty sure in the future I’ll look back and wish I had spent even more.

  2. Believe me, I know how it feels to start the year barely functioning. I’m already thrusted into so much issues. I can also understand the whole family thing. Every year I spend the holidays with family and every year I fell more and more empty in spite of that. Guess routine is starting to take it’s toll, or maybe a constant yearning for something else. Idk just my two cents on the matter. Hope you enjoy 2018.
    (;^_-)b

    1. Hope you enjoy 2018 as well! And thank you, maybe routine is taking a toll. I hope all the issues you’re dealing with work out.

  3. I always have a sense of melancholy at New Years, I remember the year clearly that it just switched on and ever since it’s always been an odd time for me. I hope your year is now going fabulously!

    1. It’s going as normally as it can! I hope soon you will no longer have a sense of melancholy on New Years! Sending lots of love

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