Daylight Savings

I remember when I was younger and still attempting to be someone I was not, I would repeat again and again to myself and to others, “I love the rain. I love all colors, including yellow. I love everything and everyone in the world!” *(Cue the eye roll)*

It’s the attempt of trying to win a fight, you know you will lose. Just like so, when I kept telling myself over and over again, I don’t hate them. I don’t hate the bullies that tormented me for years. I hate their actions but not them.

Screw the rain. I never wear yellow. And yes, I also hate winter…it’s just always too cold.

It was liberating to be open about what I truly liked and disliked. Such a simple feeling of being honest felt as if I was freeing myself from a decade old jail.

It was me trying to be a saint. To let myself feel better that since I didn’t hate them, I was better than them. Because I was a good person…and they weren’t for what they did to me.

It has been so long since I have been over that wound. The wound of being bullied and ostracized. I was especially over it when I no longer cared but knew that when I did care, I hated those individuals with my guts. They were human beings with flaws. And for that, I understood them before. However, that did not mean I didn’t hate them.

I was learning that I was not an angel. And I was not a “good girl.” And I felt happier after finally giving up such a ruse three years ago. I was unrestrained.

I was finally letting go.

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8 Comments

  1. Bullying is awful and I’m very sorry you had to go through that. I was also bullied when I was younger so I can understand the mental hoops you describe jumping through as you tried to come to terms with your feelings towards the people who hurt you. That said, I’m so glad to hear you’re feeling liberated now! It’s scary to be ourselves, and it seems to me that you’ve shown true bravery ^^ I wish you nothing but the best in your life.

    1. Thank you! Yes, I’m happy I got past it years ago but it still comes to mind once in a while as you can understand. Sending lots of love!!! ❤️

  2. Wow. just WOW! I love they way you write. so real. so comforting, and easy to relate to! How do you edit you pics if you don’t mind me asking? im super new so im open to many tips and tricks!

  3. Bullies… we’ve all experienced them! Glad to hear you are not allowing them to take over your life. We need to stand up to them and say, “Really, is that the best you can do or say today. Sorry, I just don’t have time for that, I’m late to meet with (pick some movie star) and walk off.” HUMOR usually catches bullies off guard. KEEP SMILING and BE HAPPY!

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