Rejection

My hands are ice cold. You would think that they would put the heater on with the 20 degree weather outside. Or perhaps they did and like always it’s never enough for me. I am always just so unbearably cold. That it would be easy to bring tears to my eyes by exposing me to the harsh biting wind.

I never thought I would be tired from just writing. Majority of the work I have right now is based on writing intensive classes, so I’m constantly writing and writing and writing. I do appreciate it but by the time I reach here, I’m sucked dry without any inspiration. I would wonder, what more is there to say? Yet, as always, there is something more.

For as long as I could remember, every time I fought my battles, passed an obstacle, or worked to achieve a goal I would be so physically and mentally invested. Although, it was toxic the way I would worry and stress myself out till I would get sick. However, it only made victory taste that much sweeter. Though I admit it was tiring once you realize that there is always another hurdle right after.

However, now as I attempt to work toward certain goals, when things don’t end up the way I would like, I feel rather detached to the results. To an extent, I was invested. But I no longer feel immersed within the things I aim for. In the end, one would think, it works out to make me a lot more care free and relaxed.

So, I thought I cared. Did I really?

But now, I do want to care. I don’t want to mess up this chance that I have been talking about for years. I want to feel as if I gave it my all. Although, for some reason no matter how much I “say” I am burning for the opportunity…I still “feel” so distant.

 

Picture Credit: Heng Films

 

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