I was going through my old blog, thinking what piece of writing I could reuse. It was the attempt to keep up with my present blog despite my lack of inspiration. However, as I read on and on, I couldn’t think of reposting any of it without cutting some parts out from here or there.
But it still wouldn’t work. The entirety of my words was completely in the moment back then. It was to the point that I could no longer relate those very words to my present. My past self, who had written them, were no longer relevant.
It almost felt odd to replace who I was now with my old self that has transformed drastically since. I was so broken, depressed, and raw before that it didn’t feel right to describe myself feeling those emotions again. I am not whole yet, but I am so much better now.
I have gotten better and improved to the point that now I have become “complacent,” as my sister describes it. I have started to settle for what was easiest and most comfortable, despite my all out war to fight against just that. Staying in one place, never moving forward, was a death sentence upon me and my future. I have to move forward like I did the last time.
Always being confronted by others who love displaying their life as a flashy diamond ring, trying to put me down to make their insecure selves feel better, I had to remind myself to forget it. Push past it like always. They may not know what you’ve gone through but you know. And you deserve better. Whatever better stands for.